I’ve found meself caught in a trap, sinking fast in quick sand, set by the dastardly hilarious Amanda from City Girl Gone Coastal. Ya see, little Amanda, let’s call her Mandy, she’ll love that, Mandy is making a stand against Twitter’s 140 characters, she wants to know about you *points at you*, she wants to know FIFTY (yes, FIFTY, FIVE ZERO, SERIOUSLY) things about you, she’s even started her own blog hop, so dedicated she is to her cause!
I’m seeing this as more of a challenge than a chance to waffle nonsensically about my breakfast, which was toast incidentally if you’re interested, if you’d rather stick your fingers in your ears and shout “LALALALA” at the top of your lungs, I understand. I mean honestly, fifty things? I’m struggling to remember my own name at the moment.
Fifty bite sized pieces of useless information about MummyNeverSleeps, *shrug* let’s DO this!
1. My mum was 41 when she had me.
2. I have five tattoos, I want need more.
3. It is physically impossible for me to say the word “anomaly”.
4. When I meet new people, and introduce myself as Cas or Cassie, they think I have a lisp and that my name is actually Cathy. WTF that doesn’t even make sense. It usually takes several attempts, sometimes even writing my name down on an old receipt from my handbag to get my point across.
5. I often wonder if my life is being filmed, Truman Show styley, or a poor Beadle’s About perhaps.
6. I have a fairy light problem.
7. And a bunting problem. Yes, I realise this makes me sound obscenely twee.
8. Yet, I don’t own an oilcloth floral apron. I’d like to keep it that way.
9. Any foodstuff that includes the words “caramel” and “sea salt” I have to buy it. Have to. I know, I didn’t know what to do with the caramel sea salt cream from Tesco either, but I bought it anyway.
10. I really want to keep chickens. An army of the feathery bastards. And give them ridiculous names. Such as Cuthbert. And Drucilla.
11. I used to run a pub. I miss it.
12. I can carry five full pint glasses at once. Ya know, without a tray.
13. For years I wanted to name my firstborn son Dylan. Until I worked with someone called Dylan, and realised if I did name my kid Dylan, I’d look like a batshit crazy stalker.
14. I didn’t name my firstborn Dylan.
15. When pregnant, I wasn’t sure if I was going to give Bean mine or his dad’s last name (at the time stuff between us was a bit erm… iffy), until a friend pointed out that Noah Sheppard sounded a bit… um… Yeah. Especially as his middle name was gonna be Joseph. This had to be explained, with diagrams, several times until the penny finally dropped.
16. I can’t drive. Yet. This is most inconvenient.
17. Realising that my slow cooker was not the answer to everything, crushed me inside a bit.
18. The smell of fresh meat makes me gag.
19. I can draw.
18. A few years ago I spent a loooong time researching my maternal family tree, apparently, I’m very distantly related to this dude.
19. I would rather drive 12 inch long nails into my eye sockets than watch a film with Tom Cruise in it.
20. I get uncontrollably irritated when British people say the word ”movie”.
21. I understand the offside rule.
22. My favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is Michelangelo.
23. I’m 5’10.
24. I can’t wear heels. I look insane.
25. I firmly believe that everything should be eaten with houmous.
26. I have PCOS.
27. I’m better at DIY than my OH.
28. Moths scare the absolute shit out of me.
29. But I’m cool with butterflies.
30. I didn’t see or speak to my dad for over nine years.
31. I’m seven years younger than my OH.
32. He thinks I have secret magical talents because I can make Bolognese without a jar of sauce.
33. I finally realised I was in love with him when he gave me a jar of Bovril as a present.
34. I have a fantastic ability to murder all my plants. All of them, without fail. It really is a wonder I’ve kept Bean alive for so long.
35. I think I could have dyspraxia, numbers just do. not. make. sense to me.
36. As sad as it sounds, I was flipping ecstatic when I was told that I needed glasses. I have wanted glasses FOREVER.
37. I can fit my own fist into my mouth, *cough*, anyway.
38. One of my proudest moments was winning a pub quiz, single-handedly.
39. I truly believe my cat talks to me. OH says she’s just responding to my tone of voice. I think he’s mean.
40. I currently have about ten blog posts that I want to publish, but just not sure if I have the bollocks, if there was to be any kind of backlash.
41. I’m genuinely pissed off that cereal companies don’t put toys in the boxes anymore.
42. And why don’t schools have class pets anymore? Disappoints me.
43. Until about a week ago, I didn’t understand what Gangnam Style was, literally no idea. I’m still lost.
44. I like the dance though.
45. I really should be writing something else now. This is my Everest.
46. The last book I read was Marian Keyes - Mystery of Mercy Close. It was good.
47. Whenever someone claims their favourite colour to be black or grey, I revert back into an obnoxious art student and scream THAT’S NOT A COLOUR, IT’S A TONE. coincidentally, my favourite colour is grey.
48. I’m rather contrary.
49. Once when at Upton Park (West Ham’s football ground), I don’t know what we were doing there, my mum was picking up some tickets for my brother or some bollocks, I got bored with waiting around and found myself being chased around the pitch by security and my brother. I was three.
50. I’m genuinely sick of myself now.
If you made it this far, you are my hero. I am sending you a personalised medal with your name etched on it below the I MADE IT THROUGH MUMMYNEVERSLEEPS’ 50 THINGS POST AND SURVIVED.
That actually took me HOURS to write. I still haven’t watched yesterday’s Eastenders, I’m distraught. Anyway, join in, take a look at Amanda’s Mandy’s blog, she’s terribly clever and so crafty I’m properly jealous. Plus she’s very bloody funny.
Thanks for reading my little love bunnies.
