Obviously, just a normal, quiet day can be Groundhog Day when you’ve got little ones. You’re most likely so achingly sleep deprived you’d seriously consider selling a kidney for a peaceful few hours in bed, yet instead you’ve got to make do with cold cups of tea and coffee and a few too many chocolate biscuits shoved in your face when little eyes aren’t watching you.
On the mummy win to mummy fail chart, you know, the one in your head, you’ll fluctuate wildly, zig-zagging all over the page. To your kids, you can go from the heady heights of a superhero, cape and all to officially the worst person in the universe, in a matter of moments. Especially if those moments include broccoli. Yet those days don’t go particularly right, they don’t go very wrong either.
However, when you’re fully immersed in the madness that is parenthood, you begin to fear those days. Those days are the ones where everything goes so horribly wrong, by the end of it you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, or perhaps an ugly amalgamation of the two. Those days, absolutely everything possible goes spectacularly wrong, simultaneously.
These are the days the grocery delivery arrives, just as your child has decided to tear all their clothes off and wear the cat as a large furry hat – at a jaunty angle. Just as you’re hauling questionably bagged produce, the cat tries to make a bid for freedom from your child’s head, scratches them and darts out the front door, your enraged, naked mini me in pursuit.
Those days are the ones your child tries to brush their teeth with your fancy facial serum, or clean the toilet with your favourite perfume. Those days invariably end in someone crying like a jibbering wreck in the corner, if not both of you.
So I’ve invented Mummy Bingo (you’re welcome btw) – a score sheet of everything that can go wrong, and if you tick them all off during one of those desperately trying days, you win a cruise, lifetime supply of massages and chocolate or maybe even a sainthood.
Rather than numbers on my Mummy Bingo score card, there will be things such as…
Didn’t shower – again. Cake for breakfast. Child attempted to abseil up curtains. Broke a vase / priceless family heirloom / favourite mug. Poo on carpet. Child got carried away playing Angry Birds and threw your phone to the opposite side of the room. Cat sick. Unexpected visit from mother in law. Toilet blocked. Fish fingers for dinner. Ran out of coffee / wine / sanity. Had a weep while hiding in the airing cupboard / bathroom / under a large cushion
What do you reckon? I’m on to something, right? However, while my amazing idea is in it’s conception stage, you may want to play some free bingo a little less wayward, with more chance of ya know, actually winning.
A great place to start is Bingo Extra, a fun place to play bingo and slowly unwind and switch off after one of those days once finally your little tearaway is tucked up in bed. Finally.
Only problem with my idea is I suppose they’ll need a fearless official adjudicator if they are going to reward with actual sainthoods. Sorry, I’ve just go to dab out Failed idea of how to find fame and fortune on my score card…