All the Small Things

My eyeballs are broken. They simply refuse to work without my strong, stupidly obnoxious glasses that seemed like such a fantastic idea at the time of purchase. This affliction is definitely not aided by reading thousands and thousands of tiny pixelated words upon various screens every single day. Usually in the dark. Always when I’m exhausted and forget to wear said glasses. Obvs.

This results in a mighty ball of pain and misery radiating somewhere in my skull behind my right eye.

allthesmallthings

Whilst attending a blog conference last November, I did what any self respecting Essex girl would do on her first day out sans-child in six months and ended up violently vomming in the loos by the end of the day. Not due to the jolly cocktails expertly shaken by somewhat terrified looking twenty-something men dressed as lifeguards faced with a room full 200 women, heady from the fumes of free booze, freedom and being within close proximity to Richard Bacon.

More to do with staring at a bloody massive projector screen all day, so luminous it was bordering the realms of neon, reading tweets by people I was sitting in a room with. Of course I forgot to take my glasses with me. I tried not to look, honestly I did. I found myself intensely squinting at the panel on the stage, trying to look deep in thought, but my eyes kept being pulled back to the fucking massive glowing elephant in the room and it was Poltergeist all over again. Once I went towards the light all that could bring me back was evacuating my stomach contents and leaning my head against the cool, cubicle partition walls for half an hour.

Anyway.

This seeing thing is right high maintenance, innit?

First you’ve got to have a tracking device on the things at all times, or else they end up in the bread bin or in Alvin and the Chipmunks – The Squeakquel  DVD case. Next, you need to duct tape them to your face. And then, you need to clean them. A lot.

Suffice to say, I don’t do any of this. The glasses get re-homed to the bread bin by evil, prankster pixies for weeks at a time. And when I do find them, they’re so filthy I’m worse off than I was without them.

The past week has whispered past me in a blur of punch-drunk, medicated vacancy. I’m floating through everything in a state of nightmarish dreamyness, nothing seemingly real. When I’m desperately trying to concentrate on anything for longer than two minutes, whether I want it to or not, my head just keeps floating along. It’s a bit inconvenient tbh.

And during yet another spell of the headache of doom yesterday, I aggressively polished my glasses on my sleeve, expecting them to be a smeary mess when I stuck them on my head and hurriedly left to pick up the Bean from school without giving them another thought.

As I walked, there was a moment. A brief spell of clarity, the sun came out from behind the blackout blind of thick cloud and suddenly I was thrown into a Hi-Def world and it was fucking amazing for the five minutes it lasted. I mean, yeah, the ground was still sodden from the unrelenting rain and all I could smell was fox piss, but I could see, and I felt like I was actually here for five minutes.

If you’d like to link up your own All the Small Things post, please feel free to add your URL to the thingy below and spread a bit of love around amongst yourselves for me. You can also add the badge below if you fancy it and read what it’s all about here.

All the Small Things - MummyNeverSleeps
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38 Comments

  1. Mammasaurus January 21, 2014

    Ahhhh hi def visual clarity! I have to admit that after a few months of blogging my eye balls ached on a daily basis and a swift visit to the opticians saw me walking out with ‘glasses for reading things with’. I don’t use them much anymore – I like to think that my eyeballs have just manned up but every now and again then like a bit of WOAH CLEAR OVERLOAD! that the glasses bring 🙂

    Love this linky, I started out the new year with the word ‘positivity’ in my mind and have spent the past fortnight moaning about how ill I feel so this is the kick up the arse I was overdue! x

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      Haha! Well I am glad to have provided the boot to kick you up the arse 🙂

      Reply
  2. LearnerMother January 21, 2014

    I’m a full time specs/contact lens wearer so sadly my first moment of clarity usually comes in the morning, in the mirror, looking at my sleep (or not)-ridden self. Not such a good moment ha! But you know what, every so often I give my specs a wash in washing up liquid and that really does make everything hi-def and sparkly!

    Reply
  3. Donna @ Little Lilypad Co January 21, 2014

    I cannot function without my glasses on. Even my two year old hands them to me first thing in the morning …. maybe that should be my small thing? Having a glasses bearer 🙂

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      A glasses bearer sounds like something we ALL need so absolutely! 😀

      Reply
  4. Ali at kidschaos.com January 21, 2014

    I’m so bored with not being able to thread a needle without perching my old lady glasses on my nose, the old lady glasses that I’ve left in the glove compartment of the car, which is not returning to my house until 8pm tonight….. gaaaahhh!

    Reply
  5. Clara January 21, 2014

    Oooh, I know that glasses-on-look-at-the-world! feeling and it is SO good.
    Glad you got a 5 minute glimmer.
    I really need to ask why you could smell fox piss though…

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      I don’t know why actually… Just some people’s front gardens and hedges smell of fox wee… Don’t they?! Am I the only person who can smell it?! *panics*

      Reply
  6. Sonya Cisco January 21, 2014

    I am a myopic mr magoo. I can’t see anything without the aid of specs/contacts, and my glasses are always, ALWAYS filthy. I like to think the grime adds a soft focus to the world, improving it somehow- but actually i am just viewing life through a toddler smeared fromage frais haze, which is neither attractive, nor hygienic. I should clean them and have my own moment of clarity shouldn’t i?! Xx

    Reply
  7. Janie January 21, 2014

    The first time I got glasses I almost fell over with shock at how bright the world really is! & then had to take them off for some time to recover …

    Brilliant idea for a linky, this is going to make wonderful reading.

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      Quite scary how long you can wander around without knowing your eyes are completely knackered, isn’t it?? Thanks so much missus 🙂

      Reply
  8. Mummy Barrow January 21, 2014

    Bloody hell I am with you on this. I have worn glasses since I was two and last year finally gave up on contact lenses as they made me feel tired ALL the time. I now have vari focals and I swear people think I am being snooty as I peer down my nose at them.

    i am not, I just trying to bloody see!!!

    I dont have the balls to get them lasered.

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      Hahaha, I do the same, I squint a lot as I just can’t see otherwise, people think I’m giving them dirty looks!

      Reply
  9. Carolin January 21, 2014

    I don’t need glasses, but boy do I know about not seeing clearly – especially when a toddler jumps on my head in the middle of the night 😉

    Reply
  10. TwinsplusTwo January 21, 2014

    I recently posted about being 40 and ageing etc – and I have to say one of the BEST things is my new glasses – they ROCK! Mainly because they cover up the bags under my eyes lol, and I have visual clarity once again 😉 x

    Reply
  11. Mascara & Mud January 21, 2014

    my hairdresser ballsed up my fringe back in november which made me wearing my geeky glasses look absolutely hilarious! but thankfully it has grown back and i look forward to some hi def moments with my glasses again now 😉

    Reply
  12. Beth @plasticrosaries January 21, 2014

    Fox Piss ftw.

    Small people have taken my glasses (and my spare ones) prisoner – I basically can’t see most of the time which isn’t always a bad thing!

    Reply
  13. Boo Roo and Tigger Too January 21, 2014

    I am blind as a bat, my moment of visual clarity would being able to afford laser eye surgery until then I will have to make do with the dust laden specs I have to wear all the time.

    Reply
  14. Cakesphotoslife (Angie) January 21, 2014

    Oh I cant see a thing with my specs, literally everything is a blur, and hiding places, my son is world champion at that, first day he got his, I spent hrs and hrs looking for them, phoning the ex husband as I knew he had shown them to him, I eventually found them hidden in a pair of jeans in the ironing basket…blue glasses, blue jeans, thanks little man oh and sunglasses well that’s a whole different story by the little tyke 😉

    Reply
  15. WallyMummy January 21, 2014

    Fab linky missus 😉 I shall link up next week, by which time I may be sort of organised enough to do it! lol xxx

    Reply
  16. maggy, red ted art January 21, 2014

    I am blind as a bat!! And I agree it is so important to get time away from the screen!

    Reply
  17. HPMcQ January 21, 2014

    the small things are the ones that matter the most sometimes. good to keep an eye out for them x

    Reply
  18. Louisa January 21, 2014

    I used to be as blind as a bat until I under went the miracle that it laser eye surgery. Sadly even that mystical vodoo can’t hold back the ravages of time and the need for lenses is surfacing again 🙁

    Reply
    • mummyneversleeps February 26, 2014

      Oh my really?! I didn’t know that could happen… Argh, that’s my dream scuppered!

      Reply
  19. livesey girl January 25, 2014

    I can so relate to the headache of doom! Aa a fellow glasses wearer this post made me chuckle. Just what I needed when all 3 kids woke up bright and breezy at 5am! X

    Reply

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